An old friend posted that on FB today. That perfectly mirrored what I was feeling. I recently started a side business as a iphone repair technician. Besides the inevitable mistakes a beginner makes, which are tiny but expensive, I realized I've placed this new job in an old position. In examining my relationship with money, I realized that my old beliefwas that I had to struggle and do something I hated in order to make money. Hello restaurants. I'm trying to shift that belief to the new one, that I make money doing what I love. I'm generously compensated for doing what I love. And the ultimate I get paid for being a badass. There's no doubt which belief I prefer intellectually and emotionally, but still I find myself making choices from the old belief system. Making the choice that although I love coaching, I won't be able to make enough money doing it, all my efforts so far gave been met with my own gremlin treatment, causing me to lose momentum and doubt what I'm doing, I didn't decide to become a coach from a place of doubt, I made that choice from a place of consciousness and clarity. I'm so happy I made that choice. This is the right path for me. Part of being on that path is learning. Learning what exactly? Learning to trust myself, to stay the course when I'm discouraged, to put the energy into doing what I love rather than leaning back and thinking I need to do something different from my true goal to make money. I don't hate doing the tech stuff, I hate the feeling after making a mistake and realizing I screwed up a device and it's going to cost me. Of course these learning lessons will happen. I realize that I have approached things in my life with a naivety and without fully thinking things through. But there's also the fundamental principle that "You cannot make a mistake". I made a choice with the information, experience and level of consciousness I had at the time. If anything is true about me, it is that I learn and apply those lessons to my life. I have more recently embraced the thought that the things that I have done or attempted in my life, be that theater school, acting, living in NYC, being single, relationships, are valuable for the lessons they taught me, Even the most painful experiences and their aftermath have been for my own soul's growth. I have healed and done the work to be on the other side of a traumatic childhood experience. Through the painful and courageous process of growth and healing, I have come to feel gratitude for the trauma and the healing. That is the truth, but here I am today, after climbing that mountain, feeling crushed my the unfortunate mistake I made repairing someone's device and the loss of money that brought. In the grand scheme of things, this one event doesn't matter. It matters because I choose to learn from it. I choose to cry and feel ashamed and then question my motivation for doing that work, to learn the lesson (as I see it at this point), that I've been following this old pattern out of fear. Doing something that doesn't use my true strengths, something that I don't love and that challenges me. Rather than putting all the energy I possibly can into doing what I love and coaching like the badass that I am. By seeing those chains pulling me down, keeping me from believing and focusing on what I want so fiercely that there's no doubt. I have made a terrible mistake and that is thinking I am any less than the awesome powerful being full of light and love that I am. I have the keys to the universe. It's time to look inside, listen to and trust my inner knowing. Within, I am infinite.
This is my lane, it's about my human experience and the journey of spiritual and personal growth that I'm on. Writing is often what I use to process what I'm going through and what I've learned. My goal is for the experiences and lessons I've learned to resonate and help other people in their own journey.